Why  do we feel that we have to “press on pain points” when we sell when it feels so yucky?  Just take a glance at what is said on the internet about this sales technique.  You will see site after site saying this MUST BE DONE to sell effectively.  So, why would we not try it?

Because, it is exploitive.  And… it will never sit well with your conscience.

There is an alternative.

We are all in pain, much of it coming from living in a culture that separates us. In addition to most of us experiencing the lack of community, we all feel the effects of environmental degradation, skyrocketing cancer rates, increased mental health issues, etc. all around us. Our social fabric is breaking down and we share the resulting collective pain.

Ow. It hurts.

So, why not share the part of our common human experience that we call pain? Why not just be there for the person you are selling to?

You do not have to search to find where people are in pain and then exploit it.

We all have problems. Problems aren’t bad. Pain is just a signal to alert us to a problem. Pain is just a messenger. If we don’t run from pain but rather listen to what it is trying to tell us, we can learn what it is saying.

Traditional marketing teaches us to shame people for having problems and insinuates that they are alone with it. This selling philosophy says that we need to make the potential buyers problem seem SO BAD that they need to get the hell away from it ASAP. Well, no one makes great decisions from this place. Actually, when someone feels shame about something, they usually make HORRIBLE decisions.

We can choose to take a knife and dig around in another’s wound, make it puss and fester and hurt really bad, then say, “Hey, I have THE WAY out of your pain and it’s going to cost this much”. Often “this much” can be beyond what a person can afford. But the pain is so bad and the promised way out is so convincing that they buy. They will do almost anything for relief.

We poked, got them hurting, and then said, “Do something now!” We never gave them time to sit with their pain and find out what it was saying.

Very convenient for the marketer’s bank account. See?

Here’s the thing … when we are selling, it’s usually best to acknowledge someone’s pain when we feel it. People want to be seen. And the truth needs to be spoken. It’s refreshing… it brings us into a moment together. And it’s an important messenger.

It’s also very vulnerable to experience it.

As a seller, what we do once we’ve opened up someone to this feeling is important.

We can create a safe place for people to feel their pain. We can bring them to a place of understanding that their pain is a very normal response and help them feel that they are NOT ALONE.

To do this we must first open ourselves up and sincerely relate to their pain. By virtue of living in the same ailing society, we really do understand.

Once we connect, we can share our thoughts about ways to liberate us from pain. We can talk about what has worked for us and others; offering help and guidance. Only if we truly care can we make our offer from this place.

Traditional marketing tactics thrive in a bubble. There is nothing in this bubble that acknowledges the bigger picture. The world is falling apart around both the marketer and buyer and this fact never rises to the surface.

If we only look at how many followers a business has or how fast its bank account is growing to call it a success, we are overlooking many other important factors and truths. The most glaring of these is staying true to our heart. Are we operating our business with integrity? Are we in line with our core values? If we aren’t, can we really call what we are accomplishing a success?

We cannot sell from our head and ignore our heart. Only when we step out of our heads and into our hearts can we experience true success.

Taking these brave steps together, supporting each other in the process, will ease our collective pain and begin to heal our world.